On failed relationships.

So the next time you decide to take a break from your social responsibilities, look at it from a different perspective. Every other time a moron finds it intolerable to go through the phases of a relationship, an innocent bystander has to suffer the consequences. I have been a part of it millions of times and I am not exaggerating, merely not in the right state of my mind.

It's like being miserable to make others feel awkward. You suddenly find yourself in the middle of a totally unreasonable situation where two people are adamant on not looking at each other. So you try to be polite, try to engage in two different conversations because apparently the other two guys suddenly stopped having any mutual interests.

You try to reason with them, maybe they are just immature. But that doesn't seem to work and you are stuck with minding their business. Whatever happened to minding my own business? Probably just a phase. Life starts getting even more frustrating than it actually is since your own problems are number 7 on the priority list. The other 6 are constantly fighting to be the ones on the top.

Things have gotten worse over the days, you feel like not giving a crap. And finally, you decide to take a break.

But every-time a moron finds it intolerable to go through the phases of a relationship, an innocent bystander has to suffer the consequences. Ironical.

On Relationships.

So here I was thinking what was all the hype about everybody getting into a relationship. Through the years I have been somehow led to believe that the only factors present in a true relationship are pretty fucked up looks and an extremely dedicated male. Before drawing any conclusions on what I am trying to say here, I ask you to do just one thing.

If you are a male and in a relationship, try to realize the fact that you do look ugly no matter what anyone says to you. Admit it. After reading this you are either going to mentally assassinate me or you will finally agree to the fact that God hasn't given you a good face.


If you are a female and you aren't single, there are three possibilities.

1. You are a slut. Any guy who hits on you is immediately given the satisfaction of getting into your pants (As if you are wearing any).

2. You are a bitch. Any guy (possibly one of the bad looking guys I just described) who is willing to gratify the relationship with these three factors gets to have you -

a).One sided love,.
b)The hard work needed to keep you happy.
c)All the miserable tears when you tell them you are breaking up.

3.You are plain stupid and you have no idea what goes where when you are lying naked. On the bed. With a guy. Also naked. Possibly Snoring. Of course he's sleeping.

And yes, there are some truly honest relationships where the guy tells the girl he loves her. The girl tells the guy she loves him. Everybody is happy. Only they end up marrying each other and what happens next is only documented in the most gruesome of literatures.

Insects! Attention!

I hate people. Not all of them obviously. I realized most of the people are like insects, they infect this planet with their existence and the only reason they are living at all is because of the need to reproduce more of their kind. The fact that insects are one of the creatures which haven't been tamed by men is ironic, if man can't tame himself it is kind of a moot point being pompous about everything else man has achieved. Coming back to bugs, if you are reading this you are probably a bug too unless of course you are capable enough of proving the contradiction.

What is unsettling is the fact that even though we hate bugs, we need them for a lot of reasons. The food chain has to be maintained to keep it a win-win situation. The insects are happy they get to have sex and we are happy we get to eat them and no one is the wiser. It would be a pity if everyone became intelligent enough to comprehend what is going on. Gods after all don't want us to realize where the strings are and most of us don't realize there aren't any strings, just the one they call God.

Some meaningless words.

A trickle of words leaves the lips,
All sense and purpose slips,
And those who wish to find,
Find what they wish,

A wish to tell, a desire felt,
A feeling which, in the mind dwelt,
And those who speak in words,
Words to them speak back

In silence, everything dealt,
Yet meaning has still meant,
And those who mean what they say,
Say what means to be said

And still comprehension is flawed,
Words stripped through and clawed,
And those who find peace in it,
Peace they find sooner than all

Of them who prefer closed lips more,
And still hope for a loud mute roar,
And those who take pride in that,
That pride is all they have left.

If sense still makes sense anymore,
And drowned corpses still reach the shore,
Then for those waiting for the end,
End will have to wait some more.

Random random.

Wondering about how death would feel is like insulting your intelligence, no one is capable of feeling after death. Thinking it that way, a conversation on this topic wouldn't go very far unless you decide to kill someone as an experiment, but then it wouldn't be a conversation anymore. Anyhow since I decided to write something about postmortem feelings, I am assuming that feelings are too abstract to be defined and hence arriving at hasty conclusions about them is not sensible.

We start by forming a vague notion about what feelings really are, and we have roughly two options to choose from. They can be either meta-physical or they can be quantifiable and hence physically measurable. Logically, the first option is what suits our definition since everyone feels differently and yet a logical person would not want to agree to something as vague as meta-physical.

Nearly 25 minutes have passed by since I wrote what you've read up to now and I'm like what the fuck, that shit is boring. Continuing the discussion about feelings is not what I am capable of doing anymore. Who bloody cares if corpses feel or not, you're doing this world a big service if you care about the ones who are still alive.

Are you normal?

I was in one of my philosophical moods today. They occur frequently but the desire to write is more of a rarity. Anyhow, the catalyst was George Carlin, a comedian my friend Ashish took pains to introduce me to- obviously through his stand-up comedy videos, nothing too fancy you know. The poor old fuck as he liked to be called is dead anyhow.

Occasionally I think about how boring it is to be normal. Its only occasional because I have a lot more in my life other than normal people to worry about- like sex before I get twenty. Recently its more like sex before my penis stops recognizing a vagina anymore, but thats a different story. 

So what do normal people have left to live for? The more important question being- Who do we consider normal anyways? Are you normal? If you are normal why the fuck do you think you are special, or do you even think you are special? If you are not special, why would you want to be treated as one and if you somehow think you are special- with all that over-inflated sense of ego you have, wouldn't it be prettier to see you take a step higher to heaven, if you heard- God has started having favorites lately.

Well anyhow, whatever the case might be- special or not special, the fact remains. The fact that normal people have to be boring. The fact that interesting cannot be normal leads us to conclude that normal has to be boring. Normal people depend upon the awesome, the freaks, the crackpots, the weirdos, the adventurous to have something to live for. It is like a food-chain where everyone in the majority is a parasite trying to live off by sucking the left-overs of a first hand experience. It is like watching a movie because you cannot be bothered to read. It is about hiding in your comfort zones because you are too scared to admit that you are normal, and being normal doesn't count, because every other person you meet on the road is like you- but you want to be special.

It is like a repeating broken old tape, everyone has heard what it says but at least its working.

Bored much?

All of you, and you and you,
Come right here, I have something to say,
I didn't have anything better to do,
I hope it can make my day.

I know it is night, but who really cares?
The day can go and crap in hell,
I wish to know how this night fares,
And that is why I have this poem to tell.

I was lonely once, like I am now,
But no one really cared to know,
No one asked why, when and how,
Everyone had something better to do.

Now don't you start misinterpreting my words,
They don't mean that I don't have friends,
They range from cool, to creeps and nerds,
And some words that cannot be penned.

The fact of the matter is that,
Sometimes you just feel blank,
And here I would like to bet,
Life then looks like a skank.

Sometimes it just fucks you over,
In ways you could never imagine,
And sometimes it makes you hover,
In vacant bottomless heavens.

So what do you do, when you are bored shitless?
I write poems, stories, and stuff like that,
Life is still as sour as pickles,
But at least I am fighting back.

Accendus Aeris- Rationality.

It could've been just another normal day, everything could have been how it was supposed to be but it wasn't what really happened. No one knew what started it. Some said it was a mysterious mist people could only imagine about. Something that affected the reality in ways no one thought was physically possible, but it did. One moment everything was completely predictable, but somewhere in the universe, the mist affected a single atom which started behaving irrationally.

In those times people thought rationality was something only humans possessed. They were completely unaware of the fact that rationality was what defined the universe. When bodies followed Newton's Laws, scientists called it classical physics. When bodies started behaving randomly, they called it quantum physics. No one knew why things acted the way they did.

Things would have been the same, had not Accendus Aeris accidentally discovered the presence of rationality in electrons. It caused an outrage in those times, no one wanted to accept what he theorized. Finally sanity prevailed, and other scientists started testing his theories for proof. Not more than a month later, his theorems were all proved correct- Accendus was a hero.

It all stems from a single property of the universe- chaos. Thermodynamics is the only law of physics, which has always been correct. Randomness in those days was not really understood by anyone, until Accendus came up with an extremely insightful conclusion. According to him if any object had a tendency of being chaotic at any level- the object would behave rationally. He defined free-will in terms of rationality, and rationality according to him was the scale to measure free will.

The more rational a system, the less bound it is. Free will according to Accendus was nothing but the property of having options, or states of presence- as he called it. He thus formulated a system of measurement which compared the rationality of the system to the average human's rationality. Thus, he came up with the unit of rationality which he defined to be equal to the rationality of a photon.

He formulated several equations and he reached the conclusion that a photon's rationality was the same as a human's but a photon did not understand the concept of free will. According to him, free-will was just a belief and no one was born with it. This statement caused a massive revolt and Accendus had to disappear indefinitely.

No one has yet been able to prove or disprove his statement, but since the time he uttered those words nothing has ever been quite the same.

The Anomaly.

He was never quite like those around him, yet no one suspected. The ground wasn't solid when he stepped over it, neither was it liquid, nor gas. It rippled, but not because it wanted to, it rippled because he had passed over it. It wanted to shout out, wanted to get noticed. Not even the slightest insect noticed the anomaly. The ripple subsided as he walked farther away from it.

Humanity scuttled across the planet unaware of any irregularity, even the planet was unaware because it had stopped paying attention. People had stopped getting irritated, or angry, or jealous, or happy. No one would mind if a mosquito felt like quenching its thirst on their blood, they didn't feel it. He did. Everything around him felt wrong, as if wrong existed to get noticed. Wrong existed to tell him that it was there even when it wasn't supposed to be. He shrugged, he didn't care- no one else did.

He didn't like names, he found them peculiar. He didn't have a name. Maybe he did, but he never had time to inquire, no one did. The ground fluttered, it wanted to say something.

"What is it?", he had no desire to hear the reply.

"They have stopped feeding me. Someone needs to feed me!". It rippled in agony, yet no one felt it.

He passed over. He had heard the planet complain billions of times even when everything continued normally.

"Is that why no one cares?",he thought,"Is that the reason everyone needs to be alive? So that everything keeps being normal."- the planet would have to do with another day of starvation.

People had stopped dying, because no one cared when they did. They liked being cared about, thats why they had used to die. The planet liked it when someone died, it liked to look at their memories- it fed on their memories. That way everyone got to be the part of the world, even after they had died. But now, no one would ever die. The planet was half famished because it had no memories to feed upon.

Plants had stopped being green and the water had stopped flowing. As he passed over a dead leaf, he noticed it had turned green. It fluttered and settled itself on the motionless river. The water noticed the anomaly, it rippled. The ripples carried the leaf as far away as they could take it, but the river resisted. The water was adamant, it wanted to flow.He patiently waited to see what happened. The river coaxed the water into stop flowing. It didn't want to lose it to the seas, for the first time in centuries- it cared.

The Question.

The only time you can kill him is when he reloads,
And when he reloads,
He does it faster than you take to pull the trigger,
And when he pulls the trigger,
He does it faster than you take to blink your eyes,
Do you still want to get into a firefight?

Math for thought.

To everyone who finds mathematics interesting, I ask you this- What drives you? I for myself have no understanding of the word interesting when applied to Mathematics. Why do mathematicians, at least the ones at our college, have to present us a bunch of equations in the most formidable manner possible and expect us to perform miracles with them. It is like playing with abstractness, you know nothing about why would you be possibly solving a problem, you just have to do it for the sake of a solution. That makes me take Math in the most casual sense possible, it is presented as if it is of no use. What do we get out of solving an Integral? Except a sense of deep satisfaction of making an ass out of ourselves. Seriously, that is what I think we do whenever we solve yet another senseless mathematical problem. Okay, Math is used everywhere and we can't possibly do anything without it- I get that point. But why does our college have to turn it into something so uninteresting, people lose their interest in a subject they are actually fond of. It is like presenting a beautiful doll to a tiger cub, it has no idea what it is supposed to do with the doll, it does not understand what beauty is- it just knows one thing, the solution to every problem is clawing the shit out of it.

Spicily simple.

How many of us find something difficult to grasp? I guess it is safe to say that each one of us has experienced something we find baffling, confusing at least. I do not believe in statistics being applied to people. It is like mocking the minority, and I suppose the majority has always been selfish. So what happens when the other guy doesn't understand what you are talking about? Either they stop showing any interest or they politely refuse to be a part of the discussion. But what happens if people start openly revolting to your ideology? I wouldn't go as far to say they are being fanatics, but something of that sort. This world is full of people who can't resist the temptation of fame, money or sex. That is what drives the majority. That is what this world is built upon, a framework of materialism. The Pope lost his say long back when Christianity started being Tyranny. No offense to Christians, but then this is true for any other religion. Why does religion even exist? Unless people suddenly started being devoid of their free will, I do not think there was ever a need of societies of like minded people convinced on hammering their ideals into living walls. Why then do I have to face persecution if I am a heretic? Since when has anybody's opinion mattered more than my opinion? And why does opinion have to have a say anyhow, aren't people allowed to use their own brains anymore?

Theory of experience and randomness.

Okay so here is the thing, I have always been fascinated by entropy. It is one of the most fundamental properties of this universe, and it always increases. The best thing about it is the fact that it is quite simple to understand, at least the part I understand is simple. Entropy is synonymous to randomness, so we can safely assume that the randomness in this world always increases. So what is randomness after all? Randomness is every new information introduced to this universe, every new thought that enters into your mind and every new action someone takes. When you are in love, your brain gets so random you start getting totally illogical ideas. Ideas like marriage, babies, more babies. In a way, more the babies- more is the crap, and more is the randomness. So what does randomness have to do with our lives? It would suffice to say that as we progress in time- whatever we may be after ten years, one thing is for sure- we would have GAINED experience. So the only thing we know which definitely increases with time (except age and time interval between two consecutive sexual intercourses) is our experience. Experience is like the mental counterpart of the physical entropy. Then what does all of this lead us to? Could we possibly apply all the physical laws of entropy to experience? At least in the broader sense. Maybe just maybe, the equations would lead us to something unprecedented- give it a try?

H(a/o)rmonic Love

I know I know, everyone has a heart, everyone can love and I also know that love is a pure and divine truth. Okay, I was bullshitting- I can swear on anyones head I believe none of it. Even on the head of someone I supposedly love, not because I don't believe in love rather because swearing on someone's head doesn't get them dead either. It's like justifying cheating on your girlfriend because having an affair doesn't have anything to do with love. "It was my hormones honey, I swear it was my hormones that made me have sex with her. You know I love you, don't you? With all my heart."- the other 'heart' that is. So when do you decide you don't love someone? When your heart stops beating for your love? I doubt it. I would rather wager on your testosterone glands to decide that for you. The point is, what makes love so different from any other physical phenomena. Actually, what does any feeling have anything to do with the metaphysical? It's all electric impulses, chemical reactions that drive us- so when someone points to your lack of emotions, what do you tell them? I would suggest you take a deep breath, plant a well aimed slap on the guy's 'visage' (pun intended), make an innocent face and blame it on your highly disturbed state of emotions. If they still don't get it, fling a stone at their faces and tell them you aren't 'stone hearted' after all.

When killing yourselves doesn't help.

There has to be someone in our lives who no matter what time of the day it is, no matter what's happening around them, is always depressed. I normally try to avoid these poor souls, they should be left alone after all. What if depression suddenly becomes a fashion and every time you want to impress your girlfriend, you would have to slit your wrist or try jumping off your apartment? You know what the worst part is? In the dark, you have to go with the flow. It is light which gives you opportunities, darkness just improbabilities. When everyone around you starts to commit suicide, it is going to catch up with you. So when we say evil breeds evil, it is nature working itself towards chaos. And if you are trying to stop that from happening, you are going against nature. Entropy is the ultimate truth of this universe. No matter what, chaos will always increase. However disciplined you try to be, the inherent predictability of discipline would be your undoing. So when someone tells you there is no evil without good, they are probably trying to be sympathetic. Because it is evil which is fundamental to the fabric of reality and we just try to make it look the other way. When this world put a fear in our hearts, set us against chaos- they had already started building a foundation destined to betray.

So what's the real deal?

Have you ever had silly questions come to your mind? They don't really mean anything because they either have answers which are too improbable or there is no reason to even have an answer to them on the first place. Questions like- Why do I exist? What would the end of universe look like? How would I see myself if I were someone else? So what's the deal with them anyhow? Too many questions, yet not many answers unless you start adding God after every word in your reply. Then you ask yourselves the ultimate question, something that would solve almost every cause of war, terrorism, fanaticism- Does God exist? Now why doesn't the human population devote all its time to find out if God really exists after all, because that is one big reason which seems to be driving people crazy. I actually find it insane. People should find it insane as well. If you think its normal to be discussing about a thing you made up on the first place, you are probably a fanatic. Maybe you like Hitler, maybe you are a Nazi. Who cares? Well you do, and with almost a hundred percent probability you believe in what you wish to believe. Why then do we have to be afraid of terrorists? If we are so sure of our beliefs why do we have to be so disrespectful to others' beliefs, however radical? After all, when man made God, He had no idea who had made man.

Turning towards sentences, more about pretenders.

This world will never be complete if improbable starts turning into impossible. Pretense is one way to let the world run chaotically, as nature wants it. There is always someone you know who tries to pretend to be someone they are not. Normally, when it gets too irritating to bear them, you grab a fork and hurl it right through their eyes- and then you end up in a mental facility. Anger is the most basic emotion, the most fundamental and the most ancient. Sadly, people who tend to display anger publicly aren't very good at socializing. The irony here is that humans are essentially animals pretending to be something they are not. Why? Just to be accepted by the society. And then it is us who send people to mental hospitals and prisons for being immoral. Is not morality a pretense? Why then do we point fingers at people who act as someone else? Is it our own conscience trying to tell us that we are at fault after all. Wearing a shroud to camouflage our reality and lowering the hood to mask the raw world is like schizophrenia; an illusion; an unreal world we have created for ourselves. If you still don't find it justified, you should be the one in a nuthouse. And the next time a neighbor hates you because you ate their cat, file a lawsuit against them for violating animal rights.

Aargh!

I never quite understood why some people like seeing others in agony. Since I am nearly always surrounded by a bunch of sadists, I have started getting immune to their vibes, so to say. So what could be the possible reason for a person to suddenly grab someones neck and hurl them into an approaching train? People nearly always want to attain a certain level of satisfaction, on the cost of others' satisfaction if thats how they can get it. Some of them have a tendency to tell people on their faces, not in very subtle terms, that their life is crap. What to do when you encounter a creature adamant on making you suffer? One of the possible actions you could take would be to punch them on their nuts, certainly not civilized, but effective by all means. Some of us try to repel the sadist population by projecting ourselves as someone satisfied- whatever be the conditions. Trust me, it is not easy. So why doesn't everyone turn into a masochist to make everyone happy? It is the tough decisions we have to take as a challenge, murdering someone is a tough decision- but not for someone who likes killing people. When did the world turn into a selfish organism gorging on it's own parts to survive? Ironically, when the carnivores don't find anything for dinner, they'd still have themselves to feast upon- Masochists do exactly the same.

Voila!

I have seen people who would go to any limits to prove that they are better than you. I constantly try proving to them that they are not. Did you notice the double negative, cleverly disguised to make myself look good to everyone. For those who did not understand, proving that someone isn't better than me makes me someone who's trying to prove he is better than the others. Most of us fail to grasp the enormity of the situation, I being one of them. Calling someone a hypocrite and then being a hypocrite yourself is like getting hanged for killing two people; no matter how many people you kill, all the jury can do is kill you once. Once you are deemed bad in the eyes of the public, any action you take, however innocent, would be seen in the light of your established character. Unless you find such a situation to be pleasurable, you should stop making an ass out of yourself. An intelligent criminal doesn't want to be famous and rich, he wants to be rich and famous. For someone who intends on getting rich through fame, the latter part should better be for something people find pleasurable. Getting famous for a bank heist wouldn't get you rich, not for long anyhow. Rather, getting rich after robbing a bank, escaping unnoticed, and donating a huge sum to charity would surely make you famous. People are naive, and lazy. They don't want to be bothered into finding out what a person really is, they would rather satisfy themselves with what you project yourself to be. Everything is about pretending, even when people keep asking you to stop being what you aren't. Because everyone in this world has something to hide, and when you ask someone to stop pretending- you are being a hypocrite. And calling someone a hypocrite and then being a hypocrite yourself is like getting hanged for killing two people; no matter how many people you kill, all the jury can do is kill you once.

Ooooh!

Surprises aren't very surprising, I mean you can always expect surprises. So what is a surprising surprise after all? When you are thinking about getting a new shoelace for yourself and somebody tells you that you won a Mercedes, it's surprising. When you are out there hunting for rabbits and out of nowhere a tiger rips your toe off, its surprising. Finding your son in bed with his best friend, cuddling him, naked, without underwear, cuddling yet again, naked, without underwear,still cuddling, without underwear (getting boring isn't it?) is something you could have always expected. I can almost picturize you yawning in such a situation. But the fact is, you always knew stuff like this could happen, you just did not know when and where. So I ask you again, what could be a surprise you never expected? If you expect every possible event to happen, I think you would encounter very boring surprises after all.Watching an alien tap dance would be a surprising surprise but that is an extremely improbable event. So, doesn't everything add up to this- Surprises come in many shapes and sizes but it is the sizes which don't fit that make you lose your eyebrows. Life in itself is a surprise waiting to be felt, but it is us that treat life to be just like every second normal thing. It is time you start raising your eyebrows whenever someone makes you happy, when someone gets sad because you said something bad, when you get goosebumps on hearing a beautiful song. Because surprises are all that count when you try to contemplate the mysteries of life, without surprises there is nothing left to contemplate about.